She jilted me...Now she wants us together again

"Winning at Home" Special(Relationships and Family Life)
with
 Emma 'Yomi Olowodola



She jilted me because i was poor, now my story has changed and she wants us together again!

PART 1

It was a very hot afternoon. The sun was at its zenith and appeared to be furious over something ordinary mortals knew nothing about. I was sweating profusely. To make matters worse, I was in suit and tie. Well, before you judge me too quickly and too harshly for wearing a suit and a tie on a hot sunny African afternoon, please hear my story.

My story. Well, my story can be summarized in three words – poor, unemployed applicant. Some applicants have something they are managing presently while trusting God for a better job, I had none. Some applicants have the comfort of leaving in a comfortable apartment with three very square meals guaranteed, that was not my lot. Still, other applicants had contacts and connections and are not “fixed up” yet because of their over selectiveness with respect to which job pays what. I didn’t belong to that school either. I was a poor, helpless, unemployed applicant. But I had 2 university degrees and a top professional certification. That was about my only physical asset on planet earth. Okay, maybe that is not the whole truth. The whole truth is that there is a beautiful young woman that we are deeply in love with each other. Our relationship has spanned three years now. We met when I was just doing my M.B.A. program at one of the second generation universities (Universities that started in 1970’s) in Nigeria. She was and still is a very beautiful and charming woman. Most of the guys on Campus were so mad that one of the most beautiful girls in the university was a “born again fanatic”. They loudly grumbled about what they felt was a waste of beauty. She was an undergraduate Economics student from a solid middle class family.

We attended the same fellowship on campus and that was where we struck a friendship that eventually snowballed into a “husband/wife to be” relationship. We were passionately in love with each other and spent “uncountable hours” talking together about our dreams, aspirations and visions for our future together. But two years out of school without gainful employment for me changed all that.

Something went wrong with our relationship. It lost the original “fire” and passion. May (that is her name) underwent some metamorphosis I didn’t understand then. She gradually became cold. I would go all out of my way to source some money from friends to make several long calls to her where she was serving the nation. She would respond coldly on phone. She only replied questions I asked her with terse largely monosyllabic words. There was no warmth, no I love you, no I missed you, no it’s “hell” here without you, no nobody like you in the entire world. If I had not undergone the *National Youth Service Corps* programme a few years earlier I would have concluded that there was a monster in the programme that snuffed life out of beautiful romantic relationships like ours.

Then one fateful day I received a call from one of May’s friend who was serving together with her. She confirmed my worst fears without making committal statements during the call. She said I should come over quickly as May was being swept away by a very strong tide that is proving too powerful for her to resist. I ran helter skelter and was able to raise the N15,000 required for the journey.

I arrived Abuja and made straight for the Christian corpers secretariat. I had no money for a hotel or guest house so I decided I would sleep anywhere they offered me. I was warmly received by the guys there. The president of the fellowship was particularly happy to see me. He invited me to share his room with him throughout my stay there. Upon informing him of my mission in Abuja he opened up and told me all that had happened to May. The bottom line was May had been swept off her feet by a wealthy young Christian brother in the city. The guy was said to run a very successful printing and publishing out fit in the city. The young brother owned a duplex in one of the highbrow areas of the city and had four posh cars. He met May in his church one Sunday morning and simply could not resist her. After a long period of the young man throwing everything he had behind pilling pressure on May, she succumbed and received an engagement ring from him.

I was shattered! I couldn’t believe May would do that to me after all those wonderful moments we shared together.

I sat dumb founded for several minutes. When I finally broke the silence, I could only mutter “May, May, May; why, why, why?

She was no longer coming to the Christian corpers secretariat on account of the strong opposition of the president and other leaders to this new relationship. They knew she was involved in a steady relationship before her service year. She had told them a lot about me before this new guy came along. I checked her in her office and was told she didn’t come to work that day. I decided to try her house and met her at home. She wasn’t feeling too well. I did my best to make her comfortable and better. After a few hours I could no longer hold back I had to talk about what brought me here.

To my amazement, she started crying. “Andy, I am so sorry about hurting you. But it’s all over I’m engaged to somebody else now”.

PART 2

Those words were like the sting of a thousand bees. “…it’s all over” kept on reverberating in my head like the pounding of yam in a mortar. It’s all over. It’s all over. It’s all over. Suddenly I heard the sound of a car coming into the compound. May snapped up suddenly and the atmosphere in the room changed instantly. Ishaya is here now, Andy please you have to go. 

Those were the most terrible words I had ever heard in my life. …you have to go.” May was walking me out!

I refused to bulge. “I’m not going anywhere,” I replied sharply. I want to see the usurper.” May walked up to where I was, pointed at the door and shouted “get out.” While this drama was going on, a dark complexioned young man of average height walked in. “What is going on around here?” he asked no one in particular. May didn’t even look at him. She kept her gaze on me and now pointed her forefinger menacingly at me growling “I said get out of my house now.” I kept a steady gaze at the so called Ishaya. I could see he was feeling very uncomfortable. Everything on him spoke cash and class. “I am Andy,” I said as I took slow strides out of May’s house and life. As I was going out, I heard Ishaya say in whispers to May “oh that was the guy you were engaged to before you came here. “I even heard her faint “Yes” before I finally got out of earshot of them.

I got back to Lagos only to meet an interview letter from a leading multi-national organization paying “crazy” money. Long story short, I was employed and placed on a mind blowing salary with allowances. Two years into the job, fortune had so smiled at me that I was given an official apartment – a four bedroom duplex with two living rooms and all the bedrooms en-suite. In addition to my own personal car, the organization also gave me an official Sports Utility Vehicle with an official driver. Things were really looking up for me. 

As a result of the heartbreak I suffered with May, I shunned all ladies who were swarming around me like bees. I did not need anybody to tell me they were only after the honey flowing in my life.

I was driving in from church one Sunday afternoon when I saw May at the gate. I couldn’t believe my eyes. I invited her into the house and was trying to get something for her to eat and drink but she declined saying she had something very important to discuss with me.

She came near the sofa I was sitting, knelt down and started crying. She clung to my legs as if her life depended on it and was begging for my forgiveness. As a man I hate to admit this, but after a while I cried too. I latter calmed her down and she told her story. Ishaya’s parents insisted he was never going to marry her. His parents had a strong hold on him because it was his father that set him up in business. Ishaya’s business suffered a catastrophic collapse. As a result of romantic and business frustrations, Ishaya left the country. He left a note for her apologizing about breaking her heart but stating emphatically that the romance was over.

Lonely, dejected, she had to return home. She made frantic efforts to locate me and eventually succeeded. That’s how she got here today. She wants my forgiveness. Even though she’s still passionately in love with me, she’s not here to get the relationship resumed. She does not even deserve a man like me. All she wants is that I forgive her from my heart, and that we remain friends in spite of the break in our “Husband/wife to be” relationship.

Well, I told her I had forgiven her long ago. And I stated emphatically that while I no longer had any grudge against her, it was too late for us to come together as husband and wife again.

She agreed whole heartedly but only pleaded the more that we should remain good friends. I promised her we would. While pleading for forgiveness she had confessed that she backed out of our relationship because of two things. The first was that she had a deep fear that I had no future and that she would be sentenced to be a life time of suffering if we got married. But this was not enough to give her the courage to call it quits. Ishaya was the “fuel” that gave life to the “fire” of the fear of no future. When Ishaya came along and came at her with everything to win her love, she lost the will to continue the relationship with me. Here was a guy who had everything and who loved her so desperately. She fell headlong for Ishaya.

May kept coming and I kept resisting any romantic angle to our friendship. I put everything I had into the fight and I had a lot of success. The relationship remained strictly a friendship.

A few months later however, it became clear we were losing the battle to keep the relationship at just “good friends.” We were still in love with each other. The “no future” problem that threatened the first love appears dead now. Its exponent and promoter, May, had learnt from her bitter experience. I believe she will stick with me henceforth no matter what, even if I lost my plum job and the comfort it brought.

But that’s where another bigger trouble is suddenly rearing its head. My family will have none of that. They are of the firm belief that May came back simply because fortune was now smiling at me. They are of the firm belief that if I lost my job tomorrow May will not be there for me. My mother even quoted the popular saying, “once bitten, twice shy” to drive home her point.

Every effort to convince my family that May is a different and changed person has proved so far abortive. I have become so confused and miserable.

What will I do now?

Readers, what should Andy do? Share your thoughts on this situation.

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IDEAS

 One revolutionary idea will change your life or organization forever”

Ideas are some of the most powerful things in the universe. Civilizations owe their birth and advancements to ideas. 

The force deployed by an emerging civilization to topple an older one is ideas. Nations are born; they mature and accomplish great things through the unquantifiable power of ideas. Industries, Institutions, Organizations, Businesses, Charities etc. come into being and go on to excel beyond anyone’s wildest imaginations through the profound power of ideas. 

Individuals re-invent themselves, re-write their stories, change their destiny, prove doubter and cynics wrong; (those who have said “Can anything good come out of Nazareth”? ) through the incredible power of ideas.

All human progress in the last several thousand years all owe their existence to ideas. As a matter of fact, once ideas stop flowing, stop being birthed and pursued by men, human progress comes to a thundering stop. Civilizations shrivel, and die. 

Nations stumble and fade away. Industries, Institutions, Organization, Businesses, Charities etc, whither and perish. Individuals stagger, fall and pass into oblivion. 

They can no longer answer the beckoning hand of destiny. Progress, advancement, achievement dither and die. Man comes to a complete standstill.

IDEAS RULE THE WORLD

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HISTORY AND IDEAS

HISTORY AND IDEAS

MONEY

Let us start with the evolution of money. Initially, man transacted business through trade by barter. But it was a very cumbersome means of doing business. There was the challenge of determining the value of the item you are giving to me viz-a-viz the value of my own product that you are taking in exchange. There was also the problem of whether I needed what you had to exchange for what was in my hand.
So ideas came to the rescue. Somebody somewhere came up with the idea of using commodities like Cowries, Seashells, Beads, Gems, Silver and Gold. These commodities’ arrival as a means of money for business transaction solved the problems of barter mentioned above.
This new “Money” was okay for transactions in a small geographical area like a village or small town. But once merchants started travelling over a hundred miles or more to do business it’s limitation was exposed! What if a merchant travelling with ten camels or donkeys laden with silver or gold is ambushed by robbers and robbed? That jeopardizes not only the merchant’s personal business, but the trade business as a whole. So, there comes another smart idea to the rescue.
Local bankers emerged who issued what is called receipt money to the merchant. All the merchant needed to travel with was a piece of paper which showed he had the value written on it stored for safekeeping with his local banker. He would carry out his transactions with the receipt and the local banker in the far away land he has travelled to will reconcile/adjust accounts with the merchant’s local banker back at home. How beautiful ideas are!
While this system suited the travelling merchant going to a far country, the generality of people who still carried out transactions mostly through the aforementioned commodities were getting tired of carrying weighty items around to consummate transactions. Man’s “saving” grace was another idea.
The idea of printed currency which was light and easy to carry solved other problems too by having a fixed and easily determined value and being universal as far as that particular country is concerned.

But then other problem arose as the global economy became more sophisticated and complex. No matter how light paper currency is, how does one move Ten Billion Naira from Abuja to Lagos? Or how will a Nigerian businessman make a $500million payment in America with paper currency. 

Ideas evolved again and today the banking system operates sophisticated money transfer mechanisms where billions of dollars are transferred from one point to another simply by the push of a button in some office thousands of kilometers away.

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HOW TO GET INSPIRED IDEAS

(I) God has given us sound minds (II Timothy 1:7) you need to put your mind to work. Let it explore and search out inspired ideas that can change your life, business, organization, career, home, etc. Your mind is sufficiently equipped by God to fashion out creative and revolutionary ideas that can help you surmount the most difficult of life’s challenges. But it will not except you cure it of mental laziness, and get it to work and deliver ideas.
(II) You need to screen your ideas. Can it stand the test of implementation? Is it an idea of the past, present or future? You need to research your ideas and make thorough investigations. Ask questions until you are sure they are worthwhile ideas.

(III) You must protect ideas. Premature exposure of ideas or exposure of ideas to wrong people can kill your golden ideas. Or ideas thieves can steal and ruin your ideas. Learn to be circumspect and wise when handling, screening, researching, pursuing and implementing your ideas.
(IV) You must implement worthwhile ideas. The ultimate of ideas is implementation, not endlessly fantasizing with them or bragging about your great ideas. Get to work. Like Theodore Roosevelt said, “the credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by sweat and dust and blood…” Get into the arena and be counted.

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SOLVING PROBLEMS WITH IDEAS

Seemingly intractable personal and organizational problems can be solved through inspiring ideas.
About sixty years ago, a young pastor in his twenties was sent to California to start a church by his denominational Headquarters. He (Robert Schuler) later became the very successful and world famous motivational speaker and pastor of the Chrystal Cathedral – all ALL GLASS building that was built earthquake proof in one of the most earthquake prone areas of the world.
But before taking off for California, he had phoned a church official in California asking to help get a hall where he could start services. The church official’s reply was that there was absolutely no available hall in his target city where he could start church services. Robert Schuler said such absolute negativism sounded like the most irresponsible statement he had ever heard. 

He wisely ignored the church official. On his way to California, he stopped over at a café and decided to write down ten possible venues/halls to start church services. That was it. Revolutionary ideas started to flow. He wrote down some unthinkable places to start a church. Eventually, he started his new church at a Drive-in theatre which the negative and cynical church official labeled a “Passion pit”.
But the passion pit was the beginning of a church that would eventually be known all over the world. Oh, the power of ideas.

 If you recollect, Jimoh Ibrahim having conceived the bright idea of organizing seminars for local governments on taxation, encountered a seeming insurmountable mountain. He had no money to post letters to several hundreds of local government offices around Nigeria. But an inspired idea came to his rescue. It suddenly dawned on him that all states in Nigeria had a liaison office in Lagos, Nigeria’s Industrial, commercial, financial and entertainment capital. Pronto, he handed his letters to the liaison offices for onward distribution to the local government offices. Fortunately for him, most of the liaison offices were located in the same part of the city of Lagos.

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STORIES OF MEN WHO CHANGED THEIR DESTINIES THROUGH IDEAS.

I want to share the personal stories of three people whom I know very well as was related to me by them. I will not disclose their names here because I do not have their permission to reveal their identities in a public write up like this. I want to assure you, these stories are not fiction; they related their stories to me without even asking them. 

One of them passed on recently as an elder citizen. Let me start with his story: he shared his story to inspire me as we rode together in his car decades ago when I was still an undergraduate. In fact, things were very rough for me then and it was he who gave me money for my final year project in the university when I was almost stranded. He was a civil servant with the Kwara State Civil Service and did not like the economic prospects of the job. As he sought for a way out, an idea hit him and changed his life and destiny forever. 

He dared to pursue the idea by submitting a proposal to the ministry of agriculture to supply agricultural tractors to the ministry. The ministry was advised to sell them to farmers’ cooperatives on hire purchase.
Farmers’ cooperative groups will pay instalmentally, share the use of the tractor on an agreed basis and multiply food production in the State. But he had no money or sponsor or partner to back the purchase of the tractors. Earlier, even before the proposal, he had visited a major dealer in tractors in Ibadan and secured an agreement to purchase several tractors from them on credit. They obliged because of the volume involved – probably the number of tractors they sold in a whole year. Well, long story short, he supplied the tractors, collected his money later on, made payment to his suppliers in Ibadan and became a multi-millionaire.

The second, a friend, had his life turned around through an inspired idea. He had an idea to join the major club in his city then and subsequently have a platform to interact with successful people. As he interacted with successful people there, he observed that they were very keen about properties and were always talking about buying properties. The second part of his idea made him transform himself quickly into a property consultant. He hit the road looking for good properties for sale at good prices and sold many to his rich club mates. His life and story changed permanently. As I write this piece, he is one of the most successful property owners in that city and a former senator of the Federal Republic of Nigeria.

The third is a friend in Lagos where I live. His business had been going through some challenges when he got a life changing idea that took his business to another level. His idea made him the linkman/facilitator between the owners of some prime but undeveloped land in Lagos and the financiers of a brand new prime estate. He conceptualized an estate, convinced the owners of the prime land to give their land, persuaded mortgage bankers to finance the project, and successfully brought a new prime estate to reality. His pay off was several properties in the choice estate which turned everything around. He has used that as a foundation to launch into several other areas of business amongst which are Telecommunications and Hospitality.

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BISI OLATILO : MEN WHO RAISED HISTORY CHANGING BUSINESSES AND ORGANIZATIONS THROUGH THE INCREDIBLE POWER OF IDEAS.

BISI OLATILO

If Dele Momodu pioneered the print version of the all picture, social and event diary on the continent. Bisis Olatilo pioneered the television version popularly known as the BISI OLATILO SHOW. The magic of Bisi Olatilo’s idea just as in Dele Momodu’s is that it did not only birth a business. It gave birth to an industry! 

Today, countless such shows grace television screens across the continent by people inspired by the Bisi Olatilo’s idea, effectively spawning a new industry and providing economic livelihood for thousands.

OTUNBA ‘GADAFFI’

Nigeria’s urban centres (particularly Lagos) like urban centres in many third world countries lack adequate public toilets. Answering the call of nature was a nightmare for many individuals and the attendant challenge of public sanitary health was a nightmare for governments. That was until the late Otunba Gadaffi gave Nigeria a gift of Mobile Public Toilets. Today, his mobile public toilets are ubiquitous in public places, social events grounds, religious or political gatherings etc, around the country particularly it’s most populated city, Lagos. While solving a major challenge that politicians and administrators were hitherto unable to solve, he also clearly solved his own personal economic issues by building a massive business and factory around his revolutionary idea – D. M. T. Mobile Toilets.

HENRY FORD

At age 40, Henry Ford was still an ordinary factory hand who earned daily wages. But the power of idea not only changed his life but also changed the world forever. Henry Ford did not like the reality of the automobile of his days. He did not like the fact that only a few super rich could afford a car. 

Henry Ford’s great contribution to the automobile industry and by extension the entire manufacturing industry as a whole was his idea of mass manufacturing through an industrial assembly line that makes cars and other products today easily affordable to the average middle class family around the world. Thus the modern assembly line where different persons added different pre-fabricated parts to the car as it passed through the assembly line was born.
Ford also introduced the unthinkable idea in his days of giving workers two days off every week. 

Prior to Ford’s radical idea, workers only took one day – Sundays off. But Ford believed workers will be more productive if they had two days off. That was the beginning of what workers enjoy today; having Saturdays and Sundays off. This idea has not only multiplied productivity globally, it has also made life better for over a billion people all over the world.

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